My heart has been restless today, more than it has been in recent weeks. I know that in reality it’s equal parts stress, surgical recovery, and being cooped up in the house, but I’ve been feeling a little caged.
I think I was actually pacing the living room floor, trying to balance my energy between the child who is sick, and the child who is sick of his brother being sick, when I saw an email from futureme.org that I had written and sent to myself the day Mike lost his job last year. There’s no mistake why it landed today.
That 29 year old Christine had a lot of faith shining through the wreckage of an exceptionally difficult afternoon. She encouraged me to remember something incredibly important today. Something I needed to remember, like I needed to remember to breathe.
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters,
He refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths for His name’s sake.
Even though I walk through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil, for He is with me;
His rod and His staff, they comfort me.
He prepares a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
He anoints my head with oil;
My cup overflows.
Surely His goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Psalm 23 (NIV, emphasis mine)
He is leading me, and I lack nothing. He refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths and my cup overflows.
All of it truth. Today, and every day of my life the past thirty years. His track record is impeccable. His mercies new every morning. Yesterday. Today. Tomorrow. No matter the crazy or the confusion, I can count on Him to remain the same.
A few emails down was an online friend’s post in which she shares this poem –
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.
Even now, in moments of doubt and struggle and frustration, there is more. There is depth and goodness and strength emerging as I keep my eyes focused on Him. He has plans for me and they. are. good.
The restlessness in my heart, it’s not gone, but it is so. much. quieter.