We. Broke. Up.
Three small words that alone meant almost nothing. Strung together in the airport that night I took those three little words as a sign from God. Mike was available.
He didn’t elaborate, and I didn’t ask questions other than to make sure he was ok. He said yes. We confirmed our rehearsal time for the morning and hung up. With skin tingling and heart racing, I boarded the plane with renewed confidence and hope.
More rehearsals, more performances, more evening script work. The moments I suspected Mike’s changing feelings came more frequently and I was pleased. During one of our Wednesday rehearsals Mike asked if I’d like to go to dinner. I quickly said yes. He stammered a little and suggested Friday. I said I’d be ready. I might have floated home.
Mike called later that night. Maybe it was my excitement over our impending date, or maybe it was the security of the shadows in the basement that made me comfortable enough to tell Mike what I had been keeping inside for so long. I told him I liked him.
Dreadful silence . . . followed by a long sigh. A knot started forming in my stomach. I wished I could grab the words out of the air and tuck them back in my heart – but it was too late. He knew my secret.
When Mike found his voice, what he said was hard to hear. He wasn’t sure we should go out. He reminded me he would be leaving in a few months to go to El Salvador and didn’t know when he’d be coming home. He didn’t think this was the time to start a relationship. He was concerned about the distance. He said he was kind of . . . joking . . . about taking me out.
It was my turn to be silent. This was a new kind of awkward I was completely unprepared for.
We ended the conversation with the understanding we would both think about everything that had been said and talk again that weekend. As uncomfortable as everything had been I wasn’t upset or distressed. An eerie peace took hold of my heart that I can only explain was from God. Everything was in the open now, and in a weird way, I breathed a sigh of relief.
Our weekend call came quickly. I held my breath and let him talk first. Mike was sure this was not the right time to start a relationship. I was a nice girl, but with the future so uncertain it wouldn’t be wise. I said I understood and left it at that.
When I hung up the phone another peculiar thought flitted through my mind.
“That’s ok – someday I’ll be his wife.”