At this very moment I have two precious little boys who are napping, giving me the space to write down a few thoughts. I am realizing that when given the opportunity (at times much to Mike’s dismay), my mind can turn into a mega-processor. As I have been sitting, feeding and pumping (for what seems like an absorbitant amount of time) I have concurrently been doing a lot of thinking.
– 1 –
I am superbly grateful that God has answered a huge prayer need in our lives – one of those we-never-thought-it-could-happen-but-it-did kind of moments (much like when we finally sold our house). This particular need has been over two years in the making, and ironically enough, now that it’s over, all of the crazy questions we had been asking and worries we had been tending seem so incredibly silly. Hindsight is always 20/20 isn’t it? This moment for me is a moment to remember in exciting times as well as in strange and obscurely dark times that God never stopped dreaming a dream for our lives, despite the fact that at times we did. I am so humbled and so thankful.
– 2 –
Apart from a family journey that we’ve been on, I have very much been on my own journey as well. Motherhood, with all of it’s joys and inexplicable ecstasies . . . really bit me in the butt. When Elijah was placed in my arms and we were wheeled out of the hospital, I literally couldn’t understand why they were letting me leave . . . with the baby. I had NO idea what to do with him, and over the course of days and weeks, I learned that being a mom is really really hard (even more-so now that teaching discipline is in full-swing at our house). But two years later I had fallen so hard in love with my little boy that I had another one – and to my own amazement – have enough love in my heart to love him just as hard and strong as the first. Even though at first motherhood came out of nowhere in my life, it has become a strong and fulfilling passion that I am grateful to participate in day after day.
– 3 –
Somewhere underneath all of the craziness of our lives over the past two and a half years and the exciting and exhausting role of being a new mom lies . . . me. There are pieces of me that have had to be put to the side to deal with some of the current issues of life, but they are still very much a part of who I am. Deep inside I am still a create-er, a singer, a writer, a hopeful piano player, a baker, a memory keeper, a dreamer. I am so thankful they never went away, and I am hopeful as they start to become part of my daily vocabulary again.
Pretty deep I know for a momma who has been running on far too little sleep, and will be very shortly running to get the boys up from bed :). But maybe that’s what happens when I’m able to take a moment . . .